At arms length

One of the reasons why people stay lonely all their lives is not because they dislike others but because they are afraid. Afraid that getting close to anyone can lead them to drop their defences, which presents opportunities for being hurt. Once bitten twice shy, third time around you want to keep everyone around you at arms length. This is a form of learned defence mechanism, a survival tactic. Yet, we social animals have the innate urge to want to reach out and establish bonds. These two opposing forces create the dissonance and also provide the platform to establish equilibrium. (Pretty much like pinching the baby and rocking the cradle).

Equanimity is the only means of establishing this equilibrium, to resonate, and be liberated from the pain or the fear of it. But equanimity can be quite boring at times or rather if it is misconstrued. Imagine taking five minutes to tell someone a joke and at the end he or she says, "I acknowledge that this joke is funny, but I'm not laughing out loud because I'm trying to be equanimous". Then he or she is better off being lonely rather than living with this false understanding. One should be able to laugh out loud, cry one's heart out, live so intensely and yet find equanimity. That would be a state of bliss. Then life can be one hell of a party. I've been there on short visits, trust me.