I can never argue well

The moment someone counters my statement, my view is expanded to encompass their perspective. And then it takes a while before I can truly understand and integrate this new view with what I already know and offer an updated opinion. But in some situations I blurt out a counter argument only to appear as if I know it all or know it well, a knee jerk (pun intended) reaction to cover the insecurity due my ignorance. I've come to realize that most conversations happen in this mode. All I need is some good language skills and I can start spewing out words and try to make it sound like an intelligent sentence. Often there is no idea that I try to express in words, its just a barrage of words which starts almost automatically and I have to think of some idea on the go and supplement the barrage with more words to finally portray the impression of having expressed an opinion which I am supposed to have had when I first opened my mouth. And it works, if my intention is only to lob the ball across the net. This is a game.

True conversation must feel very different from this. I suspect there will be a lot of silence between words.......and that the silence will be the gap when the ripples of the counter point sink in and subside .....and equilibrium gets established.....before I can offer a counter-counter point which is not a knee jerk reply but a true response born out of the view of the depth which I can see only in the absence of the ripples caused by the insecure attempt to respond immediately.