Have I ever been experienced?

Do I know what I see is the truth? Or is it my reality, my opinion, a figment of my imagination or a hallucination under the influence of residual memories? Reality! reality! reality! is there anything real about reality or it is only a perspective, a subjective substitute for the truth? something that we clutch at in our fear of being lost in this world without the support of the truth that we have not yet attained to? Is it fundamentally a reaction to our insecurities? a rubber nipple to soothe the cries of the child?

What is maturity? What is experience? does experience lead to maturity when you have had it? or does it color judgement? Are they related or can maturity be attained through through other means? from books and from learning of any kind other than experience? Is maturity related to truth or the most commonly accepted form of reality?

What then is the key or keys to maturity?

The worst of me

Why does the worst in us always emerge unannounced while the best is always displayed only at our discretion?
Why do we succeed easily in bringing the worst out of people with such ease while bringing the best out of them is a rare virtue that eludes most people (and is by no means an easy task for those that it doesn't)?

Is this human nature at its primitive best?
Or a sign of the fact that we haven’t progressed very far in the evolutionary process?
Was there any concept of love and affection and compassion in the days of cavemen?
Do basic life forms such as single celled amoebae, from which we are supposed to have evolved, have any capacity for such virtues?
If not, then are all these virtues merely learned behavior that make life pleasant on this planet?
Were they the founding principles of civilization? Traits necessitated by the need for amicable co-existence?
Does that mean that they are only as good as the most compelling factor of evolution – physical and emotional comfort which, while being fairly important for life on earth, aren’t as important from the perspective of true and lasting progress in life?

And what about the negative traits? Did they also evolve in parallel or did they exist from the very beginning?
Were the primitive life forms’ parasitic ability to survive by assimilating other life forms a primitive version of these despicable traits?
If survival is indeed a key driver of evolution does it mean that these so called negative traits are more real and more fundamental than the good ones?
Does that mean that all the so called ‘desirable’ virtues are just part of learned behavior that masks the true bad nature that is the natural predisposition of every human being?
Is good behavior just a more evolved form of manipulation that requires effort to learn?
Is that why the worst has an better instinctive grip on us than the good?
Is that why there is so much interest in attaining/learning the desirable traits while the negative ones flourish without any tending?
Is that why attaining to these desirable virtues is celebrated? Victory of the underdog?


How can bad be bad if it is part of nature? How can good be good if bad is not bad?


Is there any such thing as good and bad at all?

I'm done

Coconut Bay Conference Room, Taj Green Cove, Kovalam on 02 Aug 2010

I'm done, I'm done, I'm done
I've reached the end of the line
I want to have fun, lotsa fun
Without influence I can still be fine

The time has come for me to take a call
I know its now or never
This is not how I want to fall
Or drag this misery forever

Come join me if you have the might
For you may like this too
Or scurry away like a mouse in fright
Go on, go to hell, fuck you

Truth to Reality

As scribbled on the back of an airsickness bag on a flight from Bangalore to Mumbai:

sick in the head
pregnant with possibilities
destined by God who knows
or God knows who
this driftwood has gathered
enough moss to hide its hide
passing of as something it is not
it was not express intent
but a natural course
a seemingly seamless transition
from truth to reality