I can never argue well

The moment someone counters my statement, my view is expanded to encompass their perspective. And then it takes a while before I can truly understand and integrate this new view with what I already know and offer an updated opinion. But in some situations I blurt out a counter argument only to appear as if I know it all or know it well, a knee jerk (pun intended) reaction to cover the insecurity due my ignorance. I've come to realize that most conversations happen in this mode. All I need is some good language skills and I can start spewing out words and try to make it sound like an intelligent sentence. Often there is no idea that I try to express in words, its just a barrage of words which starts almost automatically and I have to think of some idea on the go and supplement the barrage with more words to finally portray the impression of having expressed an opinion which I am supposed to have had when I first opened my mouth. And it works, if my intention is only to lob the ball across the net. This is a game.

True conversation must feel very different from this. I suspect there will be a lot of silence between words.......and that the silence will be the gap when the ripples of the counter point sink in and subside .....and equilibrium gets established.....before I can offer a counter-counter point which is not a knee jerk reply but a true response born out of the view of the depth which I can see only in the absence of the ripples caused by the insecure attempt to respond immediately.

Heart Vs Mind

Did your heart ever want something that the head was afraid to ask because it was scared of what it thought it might hear in return?