for posterity

I'm already supersrunk
yeah that's how i spelt drunk
ok lemme get off this poetic frenzy....

I'm drunk, even though I had thought about not drinking almost all day. When I started drinking, I was already high from smoking 3 hrs prior to then. I've had one drink more than what I thought I would allow myself (once I had started drinking). I was always aware of the fact that my judgement can suffer when I drink. Yet I cannot stay away from this for long. A large part of myself that I discovered in the adult phase of my life was discovered when I was under the influence of this 'elixir of life'. The most abused, but the most tolerated substance. So without this I am a very small part of myself. And now I'm thinking of having another drink at 1.00am, being super drunk and super hungry. Shiva

Ivanukku Thanniyila Gandam

Thaniyaa nadakka thunivilla
Thirumbi thirumbi padukkuren thookkamilla

Kudichittu paduthen appavum varla
Adichittu padukkalaamnu nenachen okkali onnumey varla

Pathhavechu izhuthen pathhikittu varla
Nakki nakki paarthen nithame varla

Kuthhavechhi ukkaandhu innungkonjam ezhudhalaamunnu paakkaren
Orey yosana ennaanna...othha ivvalo naan koduthum thirumba onnume perala

Too timing

"That two timin' whore
I need to teach her a lesson"

stop stop stop
stop stop stop stop
stop stop stop
stop stop stop stop

She is not real
and you are not true
All that you feel
is resident in you

This whole scene
is a play you conceived
Just so you'd be seen
and favourably perceived

Superdrunk and something like skunk

I smoked just now
some shitty stuff
not that i didn't know
but i had to have enuf

been drinking everyday
since the last week or so
never once did i say
i don't want no more

but i wants to stops
alcohol in all its forms
barley, malt and hops
or brandy or whisky or drops

TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 2006

words fail me as I try to express
emotions that run like drool from a rabid cur
intolerable suppression, causing distress
an attempt to avoid society's slur

mind turns to substances of abuse
thoughts turn to vice
I may not be the one who's responsible
but I surely will be the one to pay the price

meaningless mental confabulation this
makes no sense to the listener
nor to the one who regurgitates it
just get back to your pilsner

IQ...EQ...and now SQ

In a world where you have to run to stay where you are, you have to grow just to survive. Like physical growth happens when the body is nourished and emotional growth happens when emotions are validated, social growth happens when social relevance is acknowledged. In a world that is increasingly 'social', this then is the most relevant indicator of growth. Does having an account on a social media site and posting my status on a minute by minute basis, from 'waking up and yawning' to 'scratching my ass as I pee' guarantee social intelligence. Is my need for validation, that is derived out of the number of likes that I get from friends for my selfie, the right way to seek my sense of self worth? Will a generation brought up on this tenet be so fragile that an 'unlike' can trigger total collapse of identity? Is that why Facebook has a 'Like' but no 'Hate'?

Negative feedback has a role in well rounded growth of an individual. But the complete removal of  a direct but acceptable way of providing negative feedback in favor of a 'lack of positive feedback that is to be construed as negative feedback' is going to make this generation incapable of perceiving the flaws in themselves. Will that not stifle growth?

De-Ad:diction

De-Ad:diction
The process of getting rid of the influence exerted on your psyche whenever you are exposed to an ad (even if you think you did not consciously engage with the ad)

Selling through life

Why do we have to sell anything?
Including our views, beliefs, opinions and of course products?
When I say 'sell' I mean the efforts we undertake to exert undue influence on a transaction to work in our favour. Should we not just do our jobs and rest content in a job well done?
Isn't advertising a subtle form of psychological manipulation?
I know Katrina Kaif does not use Lux Beauty Bar. But still I stand to be influenced by the ad.
In this media infested world is there any such thing as free will?

Ennada Pollaadha Vaazhke

Kariyam aagummunne
Kariyam seidhu
Karpanaigal pala seidhu
Kannurakkam paaramal
Kanmuzhithaayada nee
Kadaisiyil ennavaayitru
Kaadhalil kanda kanavugalellam
Kaatrinil parandhadhada
Kanneer parisaanadhada

Spent

I burned my candles from both ends
For I wanted so much heat
Faster and faster I burned
From my head down to my feet
Now all that remains
In the dark narrow street
Is ashes and soot
Oh where Oh where Is the feat

Finding myself

Whenever I found myself in somebody
I was lost
If I can find myself in everybody
They say I will have found

Freedom

You always had the freedom
You didn't have to pound on my chest
You never had any consideration
You always did what for you was best

Now why complain
That I left you in pain
While all I did
Was open the lid

To let the maggots fly
For they have lived on festered feast
For long enough
They have to see what comes from the east

Sunlight moonlight
and all the lights
that come from the stars
from far away nights

Nights that were spent in whispering
Sweet nothings as clichéd as they can be
Nights that were spent
Until the morning hours were wee

Come home Come home
I cried every night
Not because I was consumed
By loneliness and fright

But because that's what good girls do
If you didn't know it already
Then why did did you nod
When I asked if you were steady

Now everything we built to last
Has broke and gone to bad
And now I think
What good times we could've had

My memory fails me these days
Not because I drank a lot
But because my mind tries to hide away
The deceit that's filled my every pot

And so you think

So
So you think
Just because you give me the wink
That I will never think

Never see you for real
Apart from the veil that shrouds
Who you are
In front of the crowds

Never wake up
In the middle of the night
And see you busy
Trying to to take flight

Into a fantasy of your own
Where you're free of me
And come back to town
When you're weak in your knee

Yai, yai, yai
Cheeky little runt
I see your game
So shut your cunt

T'is time

It's time
Impulsiveness beckons
T'is time
Time to pen
Pen down my thoughts
Without judgements of any kind
Kind, gentle and sweet
Or rabid, morose and ugly
For I know not what I will be tomorrow
Best to capture it while its flowing
Before it puddles and putrifies
T'is time
To let the flood gates open
And let the water flow
Irrigate, inundate
 Whatever it will
 Why is there someone else watching
Watching and validating my every move
Move away woman or man
So I may see
See what is
Not what should be
 My words are back I see
Oh where were you guys so long
Mama missed you so
I love you I love you I love you
Yesterday I died
Today I cried
Tears of sorrow
That will dry by the morrow
Enuf says the mind
Coz he's inebriated
Go on says the heart
He has no reason
Mirror Mirror on the wall
On the ceiling in the hall
Mirror Mirror will you please crack & fall
I have no need for you after all
No I haven't found my self yet
Oh no I haven't you bet
I have come to the end
Of my search or so I pretend
Ecclesiastes he say
(In the New Testament)
It is all useless
It is like chasing the wind
You can't straighten out what is crooked
You can't count what's not there
I say it ain't useless
You're just a feather in the wind
You can't straighten what's not crooked
You can't count coz there's so much